Conflict, especially with loved ones, can feel overwhelming, heartbreaking, and impossible to navigate. In these moments, we’re often confronted with narratives so powerful they can fracture even the closest relationships. HueLife co-founder, Richard Fursman, recently shared a profoundly personal reflection on his wife, Irina’s, painful conversation with her mother, who resides in Russia-occupied Crimea. Despite years of training facilitators in Ukraine, emphasizing dialogue and respect, Irina’s work led her own mother, Valentina, to label her as an “infidel.”
In Richard’s poignant reflection, he asks: “At what point does the mind dismantle warm memories and re-write them with a dogma of hate?” Irina’s heartbreaking conversation with Valentina illustrates how deeply embedded narratives and misinformation can overshadow love and distort truth.
What can we do when faced with such painful divides? Below are a few strategies to help navigate conflict while preserving relationships.
• Focus on understanding rather than convincing.
• Validate the emotions of the other person, even if you strongly disagree with their perspective.
• Speak softly and slowly to de-escalate tension.
• Recognize that raised voices and harsh words can reinforce defensive walls.
• Identify shared values or memories that remind both parties of their deeper connection.
• Use neutral topics (like the weather) as bridges to diffuse immediate conflict.
• It’s okay to pause or step back when conversations become harmful.
• Clearly communicate your limits to protect your emotional health.
• Maintain regular, positive interactions outside conflict discussions.
• Small gestures, such as a message of love or gratitude, can keep bonds intact despite profound differences.
Richard asked Irina if there was hope. Her response is a powerful reminder of the importance of persistence and compassion in conflict resolution: “Keep listening. Keep talking. Keep hugging.”
At HueLife, we understand the critical role of skilled dialogue and conflict resolution. Our trainings focus on empowering facilitators to create safe spaces for open communication and mutual respect, even in the most challenging circumstances.
Remember, conflict doesn’t have to end relationships; handled thoughtfully, it can deepen understanding and strengthen connections.
Do you have a meeting, workshop, or event coming up that you are facilitating and need advice on? Would you have won a gold medal for your amazing facilitation and think others could benefit from learning what you did?
Our FREE monthly Community of Practice is the perfect space to learn, share, and grow together! It’s kind of like free professional development. You don’t have to be a formal facilitator – if you are convening groups, leading meetings, or implementing projects and plans, this is a valuable time to get advice, give advice, and learn from members of the HueLife community. After all, HUE is all about human understanding and engagement!
📅 When: Every fourth Wednesday of the month* from 2:00–3:00 p.m. CT
🌍 Where: Online via Zoom
* Exception: In July and December when we will not host our traditional virtual Community of Practice. Instead, we will host special hybrid events based in Minneapolis where you will have an opportunity to learn and network in person!
Bring your real-world challenges and questions—whether they’re broad (“How do I improve my facilitation skills?”) or specific (“I’m facilitating ____ and need advice on using ____ method.”)—and gain insights from a community eager to support and learn from one another.
Even if you’re just curious about facilitation, you’re welcome to join!
We look forward to seeing you in the Zoom room!
